Monday, April 10, 2017

What am I worth? (Synchronicity preview)





Many places in my life in the last few weeks someone has put some kind of value or asked me to put a number value on me as a person. It shook me to the core every time it happened. I am not something to be put into a numeric value. Maybe it scares me to think of myself as a cash cow. Put to slaughter for a price. One was for life insurance and disability insurance our yearly meeting with the same smiling face. She loves me I add more every year paranoid that someone will get hurt or goddess forbid die. I with having Epilepsy I constantly worry about my long term health. It's under control now, but I was told as a child I would outgrow it too. So here was the first place someone asked me to pick my big worth.

As I am applying for jobs or more like browsing the job market. I cannot say there has been much that screams LEAVE WHAT YOU HAVE! yet. But here is another place where they want you to say what you are worth. And it's some weird pissing game, that I don't understand. You don't want to put a salary too low and look desperate but you don't want to put too high either. But some people say over confident does win because it sells a demeanor that the upper management wants in an employee. I am just honest and put the amount I need to leave my current position for that position. I am not a good liar or negotiator. I am better to just put it out there and if you dig my vibe then we can work together. That is how I am playing this, I am looking for my bliss work related and I think it will find me when I find it.

My husband asked me what I thought I was worth for all the thoughts, ideas, jobs, all the potential in me what I could be worth. He had a number for himself and I waited and spit out some random number like $50,000 and I really have no idea where I came up with this number because I was just so taken back by the thought of quantifying my creativity and productivity into a number. Sometime since the birth of my kids, I had the revelation that the real currency in life was time. If we were to give people real gifts, it should be vouchers for our time and we should hold fast to meet face to face with people. Time is our most precious gift; One I have tried to give to my kids as often as they have allowed me. There have been people in my life I have been shamefully selfish with my time and my belly aches over those losses. But I have today. And I have time. I have no other value to speak of but I have time.